i cannot believe i am writing this…

First of all, for my close to none interested readers, sorry for the long break! I just graduated and have been enjoying my time off. I’ll get back to writing very soon!


I have just left a place of biologically immature teenagers. Leaving high school some of us have come out better and some of came out just…mediocre. Regardless of where they fall on that spectrum, they have people that truly care for them and really don’t. It’s a natural thing and nothing to be so upset over. This is a new chapter in our lives and there is no time to dwell on those things.

Thus as a symbol of a fresh start, I created new Facebook. Wow! So dramatic! O-M-G, I AM SUCH AN INSPIRATION! SUCH A LIFE CHANGING DECISION! A NEW FACEBOOK!

I don’t know why some people make such a fuss about this.  Whether they weren’t friended or not, does it matter? It’s such a shame that I’m writing this when I could be writing my terrible poetry or imageless fiction. But, to be honest, it’s my only muse right now.

So why weren’t you friended, cancelled, or unanswered?

  1. It’s not important. I’m not taking a lot requests right now from anyone unless I’m really close to you or have something with you in the future. Like college. But even those, I’ve  been putting to the side. I want to detach myself a little and focus on the people that matter to me IN PERSON. So, excuse me if I’m too lazy to press “confirm” on Facebook.
  2. The value of privacy. I used to be a Facebook obsessed, attention-seeking teen in my younger days, but not so much anymore. However, I don’t want my Facebook to be a platform where I have mere acquaintances watching and scrutinizing the meaningless things I do. Social media has become very versatile over the years. It can go from a harmless cat video to a battlefield with bombs going off with every little word you type. Personally, I have been through cyberbullying and it’s not fun. So, I have made it goal for me to close off personal accounts to people other than my friends. It’s not that I think I’m a celebrity and think I have paparazzi around me 24/7. I just feel more comfortable this way.
  3. We’re not really friends. Simple. I don’t really like you or don’t really know you. So maybe you can rethink our relationship and come back to me in five years. Some people think it’s good to be friends with everyone and not be exclusive. However, I don’t necessarily see it that way for myself. As I become older, I am noticing how hard it is to maintain friendships. I don’t see a point in calling someone a “friend” if it isn’t valuable to me or the them. That does not mean you have to live up to some kind of standard. Just, I want to at least kind of know you.

I post a lot of random, personal, and teenager-y things on this blog because writing has been an outlet for me and I am a biologically immature teenager. From these posts I hope readers are entertained and may see a new perspective. I don’t want this to be place where I call out names of people because everything I write is anonymous and if it’s about you, you will know. If you have assumptions, go ahead. But you’re probably wrong. Only to those who are THAT familiar with me have I disclosed very specific information to. So, please don’t second guess yourself. Read this blog with fun and comfort or don’t read at all.

This post will be down by (latest) the end of the summer (if I don’t die of cringe).



i cannot believe i am writing this…

To the underclassmen who doubted the class of 2017

Now that a majority of the results are out, the Class of 2017 can finally take a breath of relief before making the most important decision of our lives so far. For the next month we will be sprawling out our applications, playing eenie-meenie-mini-mo, researching all over again to pick the best school suited for us.

But of course, being in this kind of spotlight raises the infamous haters.

Actually when I was a junior someone from the year below me actually said,

“Hey, I don’ think our grade (Class of 2018) is going to do very well with colleges.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Because you’re grade is going to do really bad and worsen the impression colleges have on our grade!”

Oh yes, the underclassmen. They always have so much to talk about when decision season rolls around. Whether its about the kid that applied to Yale or about the kid that got into “the bad Washington University” (whatever the hell that means), there’s so much to say.

Well, my dear underclassmen. What do YOU really know? You’re not the one’s writing thirteen applications. You’re not the one who really knows what “ranking” means. Because ranking differs by what an individual wants. Perhaps someone really just wants a top school. Or maybe they want a top school in their major. So maybe, that’s why they went to “the bad Washington University.” 

Look, it’s growing process. And I was in your shoes once as well. I get it. It’s fun to talk about. But unless it’s someone who has their ego way too far up their ass and is basically all talk, don’t say a word. Who knows. Maybe you’ll jinx yourself.



To the underclassmen who doubted the class of 2017

Cheating. The Students or College Board?

Disclaimer: I’m talking about cheating on the SATs. Nothing more. Nothing less.

As a senior who’s frustratingly waiting for all her college decisions to come out, it’s pretty clear that I have been through the struggle of SATs. A big part of that struggle were the peers who cheated on the SAT.

Some of you may be wonder just how cheating on the SAT works. Well…

  1. Someone in some obscure place in China takes the SAT. But right as it ends and they finish, they throw it out the window to their buddy and make a run for it.
  2. The person outside the window catches it and also makes a run for it.
  3. That person puts all the answers into their computer.
  4. They post it online.
  5. You wake up at 5:00am on test day and spend the next two to three hours memorizing.

Well that’s just one way. There are so many ways you can cheat on the SAT honestly, it’s a waste of breath to describe them all.

But who are we to blame? The students for having misdirected moral codes? Of course. The parents for raising kids as such and allowing them to do such a thing? Yes. College Board for not doing anything? Just as much, YES.

If you want to prevent cheating come up with a better plan other than making a new formatted test. All College Board has been telling students is “don’t cheat!” Well…that worked so well!

The real solution is to stop SAT altogether and find a different method of measuring accumulation of knowledge. And no, I’m not taking about the ACT.

But, of course, this “non-profit” organization must still make ends meet…

Cheating. The Students or College Board?

Dear Senioritis

Dear Senioritis,

I am so, incredibly sorry for the attacks you undergo on a daily basis. People think of you as a kind of cancer that hibernates under the skin. Once your present, they look at you like you’re some kind of vermin or illegally smuggled in drug.

But let me tell you something. You’re not a bad entity. It’s only natural that you come out at this stage in our lives.

Three and a half years of A LOT of suffering in high school. We lost time with our friends. In fact we even lost some friends on the way. We lost time with our families. We lost time trying to get to know ourselves and instead got countless breakdowns in which we seriously contemplated throwing ourselves off a bridge. By the time junior year was over, all I really knew about myself was that I HATED STUDYING.

We wallowed in a never ending fear that we would never be good enough for any college to even consider us. After such a long time of so much accumulated stress, of course we have to snap. Of course you–senioritis–have to take your course and teach us how to let go even if it’s just for a little bit. Because once high school’s over and gone, the process will start all over again.

I’m sorry so many teachers hate you. Honestly they’re hypocritical in so many ways.

  1. They were seniors once too.
  2. They always tell us to relax, stop worrying, and let time do its thing.

I wish they would realize that your intentions are not to disrespect them. There’s no way anyone can concentrate on a Wednesday afternoon when they’re thinking about the endless possibilities of things they can do with the people they love on a weekday! We just feel like badasses and we deserve to feel that way after crafting ourselves into the perfect candidate for admission offices to pick.

So don’t feel bad senioritis. I’m on your side.

With love,


P.S.: But could you just take it down a notch? I need to raise my P.E. grade.

Dear Senioritis

Starting Over

This post has nothing to do with the fact that I just deleted everything that was originally on this blog.

A new beginning. Smells like dewy, fresh cut grass of the morning. Sounds like something nostalgic, but still avant-garde. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen a decent patch of grass for a long time.

Before senior year started, I made a promise to myself. That I would be more honest with myself and to others. Even if it meant hurting myself and others. I made this decision because for the past seventeen years of my life, I have tried so hard to be someone that everyone could at least like. Being “likable” was much better than being picked on for being different.

And honestly it’s the best decision I’ve made in my life.

I tell my classmates and underclassmen about my decision and anecdotes about my bitter words to people I GENUINELY HATE. I tell them and I’m telling you that it’s totally okay to hate people as long as you have a justified reason. That it’s only more stressful to put up a front for these people who just aren’t worth your time.

However, the response I often get is:

“Oh, it’s because you’re a senior.”

“I want to be like that, but only when it doesn’t matter anymore.”

With all honesty, I understand. There’s a certain type of stigma that makes you afraid and very conscious of others’ impression of you. Because in a small school like mine, it doesn’t take much to change the overarching opinion about one person.

But the happiest people that I’ve personally seen, are the people that genuinely don’t give. These people understand that there are people that truly care about them and that’s sufficient enough. As long as you have a certain few, everyone else is just…well…everyone else.

Does it still sound that scary?

– A.J.C

Starting Over